Evidence suggests that being in a relationship with an ADHD partner can result in extra stress, relationship problems, and often times, one or both partners feeling unwanted or not paid attention to. I, the non-ADHD partner, am currently in a realtionship with an ADHD having partner who is the most incredible man I have ever met. He does come with his own set of challenges related to his ADHD, but I myself have problems just like every other human being that we both have to tackle as a team.
I once read that the problems in your ADHD (And any relationship, for that matter) are not you vs. your partner, but they are you and your partner vs. the problem.
If you fall in love with an ADHD diagnosed person, there are many steps you can take to create the best envrionment possible for both you and your partner to thrive. It must be a team effort though, you and your partner against the problem
My biggest tip, is patience. Though that concept can and should be applied to all aspects of your life, having patience in an ADHD relationship will reduce stress, arguments, and produce a deeper level of understanding between both partners. My partner has an abundance of thoughts at all times. He seems to think in 4d, having multiple conversations with himself in his head without exception.
Often times I speak to him, or ask him questions, and get no response for even up to thirty seconds. It can be frustrating at times, as I would like an answer to my question or an awknoledgement that I was heard. In the beginning of our relationship, I struggled with feeling ignored. It is common in an ADHD relationship for the non ADHD partner to feel like they are not getting enough attention from their partner.
It took real, honest conversations about how we both felt regarding the situation, and what we would like out of the other person with respect to our individual perceptions of how our relationship should function.
We wrote a manifesto, a document outlining exactly the aspects of our relationship we think are important to keep us going strong, and found the word PATIENCE written several times. It became our running theme!
Now, I understand his characteristics better, especially the ADHD characteristics that shine brightly in my man. We mutually agreed to have patience with each other when I ask him questions and his head is too full to fit me in that exact moment.
I wait patiently, continuing with what I am doing until I get a response from him, because I know I will get one eventually. Sometimes, he may have heard me speak but what I said was not registered in his brain, almost like he lagged, so he will ask me to repeat myself.
This just takes patience and lots of respect, and reminding myself that I love him AND his ADHD characteristics! I no longer feel ignored or disrespected when it takes several moments for him to pull himself into reality, as I appreciate his attempts to connect with me in any way that he can. It is easy for me to repeat my question or comment, not a hassle or stress, though for some they may label that as annoyance.
Those people just need to practice the art of patience, or better yet, an abundance of it.
If both partners in a one sided ADHD relationship can effeciently communicate their needs to each other, and agree on a high level of patience excuted by both, then I promise you, any pesky problems that those experts say ruin ADHD relationships can be easily overcome.
Patience and love, an extremely powerful combination.
Written by, Kayla